I had never heard the term "nexting" but it's so true! We are constantly looking for, "what's next" sometimes removing the ability to live in the moment! This was an enlightening read, thank you!
You're right about us humans always nexting. A book I myself enjoyed to alleviate this was "Gain Without Pain: the Happiness Handbook" by Greg Hammer. He discusses how to combat our default negativity and live in the moment.
My therapist suggested something similar, to schedule a moment to let all my negative thoughts out and then counterbalance them with realistic and positive thoughts. It did not always work, but it helps to give yourself some time to let things out :)
Definitely, takes time. Have you tried a “worth bank”? Essentially little slips of paper in a jar that you allot yourself per month for “cares to give”. If you worry worry bank. When you’re out, then you can’t worry / care until you refill st end of the month. Has helped me learn to “conserve” the number of times / things I worry about.
Although I still worry so not foolproof by any means
Interesting idea. How long have you been going at it? How has it worked so far? I imagine there's a degree of habit necessary here, as well as the ability to predict what foreseen events are worry inducing.
I've been trying to accomplish something similar, with zero success, with regular "ruminations." I have a tendency to loll and think about "what to do next" between activities which I is ultimately mostly a waste of time, to discount the rendered relaxation, which might be nonetheless beneficial.
I initially started applying this method about a year ago. I would set 30 minutes Sunday night (given I'm already going through the Sunday scaries then ha so why not put it to good use). It's not foolproof but does help me down in the moment. I add to my notes app on my phone and just tell myself Ill worry about it during my Sunday worry time. often those random worries get resolved by then. I've noticed than when I'm bored / idle I fall into the trap of nexting (no wonder they say idle hands are a devil's workshops) so I find that even just leaving my apartment for a quick walk to get coffee helps so much because I'm less in my head.
Never heard of nexting but I'm glad I have a word for it now. I'm a big proponent of journaling and I think it's a great way of curbing the impulse to stop thinking ahead instead of enjoying the now.
Relatedly (kinda?), I've read that depression causes worry about the past, happiness causes worry about the future, and I'm constantly trying to balance the two. When I'm too far on one side of the spectrum, I know I've got work to do...
Heh, you know, I can't even find where I read this, but I did find this quote from Lao Tzu:
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
If we're focused on the past, we're likely depressed, second guessing decisions we've made or comparing how life looks today versus how it used to... I think the framing I read somewhere said that if we're focused on the future, we're actually happy, because we're planning to move toward things instead of ruminating on what already happened. But, honestly, I like Tzu's quote here more.
I had never heard the term "nexting" but it's so true! We are constantly looking for, "what's next" sometimes removing the ability to live in the moment! This was an enlightening read, thank you!
glad you enjoyed it!
You're right about us humans always nexting. A book I myself enjoyed to alleviate this was "Gain Without Pain: the Happiness Handbook" by Greg Hammer. He discusses how to combat our default negativity and live in the moment.
I’ll have to add it to my reading list
My therapist suggested something similar, to schedule a moment to let all my negative thoughts out and then counterbalance them with realistic and positive thoughts. It did not always work, but it helps to give yourself some time to let things out :)
Definitely, takes time. Have you tried a “worth bank”? Essentially little slips of paper in a jar that you allot yourself per month for “cares to give”. If you worry worry bank. When you’re out, then you can’t worry / care until you refill st end of the month. Has helped me learn to “conserve” the number of times / things I worry about.
Although I still worry so not foolproof by any means
That sounds kind of fun actually. In any case, a little worry is still okay as long as you feel it's under control.
Yes! Healthy level of worry keeps us alive. Why we have this built in mechanism
*worry bank
Interesting idea. How long have you been going at it? How has it worked so far? I imagine there's a degree of habit necessary here, as well as the ability to predict what foreseen events are worry inducing.
I've been trying to accomplish something similar, with zero success, with regular "ruminations." I have a tendency to loll and think about "what to do next" between activities which I is ultimately mostly a waste of time, to discount the rendered relaxation, which might be nonetheless beneficial.
I initially started applying this method about a year ago. I would set 30 minutes Sunday night (given I'm already going through the Sunday scaries then ha so why not put it to good use). It's not foolproof but does help me down in the moment. I add to my notes app on my phone and just tell myself Ill worry about it during my Sunday worry time. often those random worries get resolved by then. I've noticed than when I'm bored / idle I fall into the trap of nexting (no wonder they say idle hands are a devil's workshops) so I find that even just leaving my apartment for a quick walk to get coffee helps so much because I'm less in my head.
Never heard of nexting but I'm glad I have a word for it now. I'm a big proponent of journaling and I think it's a great way of curbing the impulse to stop thinking ahead instead of enjoying the now.
Relatedly (kinda?), I've read that depression causes worry about the past, happiness causes worry about the future, and I'm constantly trying to balance the two. When I'm too far on one side of the spectrum, I know I've got work to do...
Ohh interesting so happiness causes worry because of “losing” that happy state or is it something else. Glad you enjoyed reading it!
Heh, you know, I can't even find where I read this, but I did find this quote from Lao Tzu:
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
If we're focused on the past, we're likely depressed, second guessing decisions we've made or comparing how life looks today versus how it used to... I think the framing I read somewhere said that if we're focused on the future, we're actually happy, because we're planning to move toward things instead of ruminating on what already happened. But, honestly, I like Tzu's quote here more.
Ahh i see! Having something to look forward to is definitely different from my “nexting” approach