A Working Girl's Advice for the 21st Century | My Personal Story
Easier said than done of course
In case you missed it:
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My Bachelorette Pad & Rise of Female Homeownership Rates
How often do you hear career advice from your grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and any other significant person in your life who is 10+ yrs. your senior? And how often do you find yourself disagreeing with their advice?
If you were to ask me, it’s about ~70-80% of the time. They’re older and wiser and have been around the block so their advice is of course sound (and they mean well). However, that advice was sound for their time and their life experiences. Now it’s outdated and situational.
My parents have a fear of failure and ostracization. I have a fear of being mediocre and disappointing myself. Of course our worldviews will be different. You can’t compare life in post-USSR countries to life in capitalist U.S. It just doesn’t translate. With my parents it’s like we’re speaking a different dialect. And with my grandparents it’s completely different languages with different alphabets.
My Personal Story
I started my first corporate job in the thick of COVID and lasted there for about 3 years. The environment was incredibly toxic, and I was always stressed. I felt like I was walking on the edge of a ledge, trying to not fall over. This of course left its imprint on my health (story for another time).
When I left my first job, I did not have another one lined up. I was interviewing but did not have a single offer in hand that could serve as a parachute to help me at least land on the ground, not in the water. I was in the water. And I felt like I was swimming with sharks.
Honestly, I think back and ask myself, “why would I do such a (seemingly) foolish thing?” I am as risk averse as they get. That was SO uncharacteristic of me. I was shocked by my own behavior.
So why did I leave without another job lined up?
The pace of my first job didn’t really allow me to interview elsewhere because I simply did not have the time (nor the mental or physical energy quite frankly) to sit through a 6-hour finance case study. I wanted to interview successfully and perform my best so that I could increase my chances of landing at a good company with good people.
Call it calculated risk taking or call it stupidity.
Yes, I was temporarily in the water, and yes, it was scary. But being in the water is what led me to a greener pasture. If I stayed on land I wouldn’t have discovered that island out in the open or found an alternative path.
Ultimately, I ended up securing an offer a few weeks later. However, those few weeks were some of the hardest for me. Not just the personal uncertainty but public judgement. I honestly feel like I cared more about what others would think than about my financial situation. My parents of course freaked out. That of course didn’t help calm me down one bit.
My Advice to You
Times have clearly changed. And so has the career and life advice that is relevant to today’s generation. If you have found yourself in a situation where you are feeling stuck, unhappy, unmotivated, or just misunderstood by those around you, keep on reading. I promise you, things will get better.
I could go on and on, but these are the 3 main things that I anchor to when it comes to making personal and professional decisions.
1. Don’t succumb to the sunk cost fallacy.
Thinking about the last 3 years at my old job and what I was giving up were not easy. However, I hated every day of it and staying would have been a terrible decision. If you are in a career or job you don’t like but are hesitant because of the time you put into it, salary you get etc. focus on the opportunity cost of your future time and efforts vs. already invested time and energy that you cannot get back.
Gone are the times when one spends 30+ years at with the same employer. Employers are no longer loyal so why should you be? I’m not advocating for job hopping either (employers are wary of anyone who can’t keep a job). Make rational decisions based on cost-benefit and exclude however exclude any costs that you can’t recoup. This is forward looking cost-benefit, not backwards.
That’s also the reason many people stay in relationships that are not good for them for longer than they should!
2. Don’t build your life around what looks good on a resume but what would feel good when you’re old.
Being from an immigrant family and an immigrant myself this one was tough because I left like I was letting my parents down. I felt like I had a responsibility to do and be better in every regard so that their decision to pick up and move their life at the ripe age of 35 was not all in vain. I especially felt this guilt, pressure, and responsibility when it came to my choices on college and career. I will be the first to admit that up until college I made decisions based on how they would sound to my parents’ friends on Thanksgiving and to the random person I met at a work networking event. I still do at times (we’re social beings, no way around it) but I factor in my own happiness much more often.
I ultimately decided I would be letting not only my parents but also myself down by not pursuing what I enjoy. I remember breaking the news to them that I didn’t want to be doctor and instead wanted to pursue business / finance. It’s as secure a career as it gets in the U.S., but not the case in most Eastern European countries. Doctors, lawyers, engineers - those are the secure careers that pay in both good and bad times.
I understand that not everyone is at liberty to make such decisions. Many people have loans, kids, family they care for, mortgages etc. so I understand, it’s not that easy. Start by reframing your decision-making and then slowly progress into changing it.
I’ve started this thing where I make decisions based on “what would 75-year old Katarina have to say about this”. Would she regret this? Would she laugh? Would she smile? This is my version of deductive thinking - place myself into the future and think back. You should try it.
3. No one really cares.
What do I mean with this one. When I switched jobs I was so stressed about what my colleagues and friends would say about my decision and whether I would lose my “social status” because of my job title (absurd I know).
Ultimately, if those people only care about you because of your job then well they aren’t true friends in the first place. Second, everyone is too caught up in their own lives to care about yours (respectfully of course!). We all think we are the center of everything but that’s because we are so caught up in our own lives as well (and ultimately don’t care that much about what others do). It works both ways.
I hope you found this a bit helpful and maybe even inspiring or comforting.
Yours Truly,
Katarina
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the below (to the extent you are comfortable sharing):
What is the best career advice you’ve received?
What is the worst career advice you’ve received?
What do you wish your family and friends knew when it came to your life / career?
Sound advice, Katarina. As Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." We should also care less what others think of or want from us.
Another great read Katarina! Best advice I've received when it comes to work is to work around your life, not live around your work.